If I Stay by Gayle Forman

I liked this more than I expected to, which isn’t saying much since I had some pretty low expectations going in (my sister’s recommendation was basically, “it’s not bad but the ending is stupid”–she was right).

“All I can think about is how fucked up it would be for your life to end here, now. I mean I know that your life if fucked up no matter what now, forever. And I’m not dumb enough to think that I can undo that, that anyone can. But I can’t wrap my mind around the notion of you not getting old, having kids, going to Juilliard, getting to play that cello in front of a huge audience, so that they can get the chills the way I do every time I see you pick up your bow, every time I see you smile at me.”

The story is about a talented teenage cellist named Mia whose entire family in involved in a car accident. Her father, mother and brother die while Mia’s body becomes trapped in a coma while she’s able to walk invisibly around a hospital and see the chaos caused by the accident and the repercussions on her family and friends.

The coma thing — she’s able to see and hear everyone but remains invisible to them and their grief — was interesting. Other than that, it was basically just a way for a girl to tell her story: she reflects on her childhood, her parents and her best friend, Kim. She also describes her relationship with her boyfriend: its unlikely start, their love for each other, the troubles they experienced due to her potential scholarship to Julliard, and so on.

I think if this had just been a story about a girl looking back, kind of a life flashing before one’s eyes thing, I would have enjoyed it more. It had some good heart-tugging moments — when she realized her brother didn’t make it, when her grandfather told her to just let go if she needed to. But the ending (which I won’t spoil, but is probably easy to guess since there’s a sequel), mucked things up. It either should have just ended differently, or the author should have combined it with a sequel and made it all one book.