I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll…

…okay, not really, but THEME, people, THEME! (And make sure to click on the gifs for maximum viewing pleasure…)

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4cFIzr85cU&w=420&h=315]

Katie: Something interesting happened on the way to the bookstore: Kristen Ashley has evidently written a book I don’t hate. After deciding we were finished (at least for a while) with J.R. Ward, I had the bright idea that it might be fun to do a Kristen Ashley.  Since Kindle is ALWAYS pushing her Rock Chick series, we started with book one which is creatively named Rock Chick. Indy Savage is a self-described Rock Chick, fan of hair metal and wearer of questionable clothing choices, cop’s daughter, and owner of a bookstore that I’d love to spend time in. Her store is mostly kept afloat by the coffee shop portion which is where the drama starts.

Patty: Our heroine describes her hair color as “russet”. F*ck her. NO ONE DOES THAT.

Katie: But, but I love my new russet colored locks…. *skips away giggling with glee* Really though, when I hear the word russet I think potato. Who wants potato colored hair?

Patty: I know women with French fry colored hair.

Hey so I have a question: what is it about the dominant, grunty male? I mean, a soft-spoken stamp collector with smooth hands is never (ever) going to be a romance novel hero. Why is that?

Also, WTF is it with all of these men hauling women around by the neck and pulling hair back in order to maintain eye contact? Actually, scratch that – it’s not them, it’s me. I’ve read too many of these. One, two, three times a man hooks his arm around a woman to guide her towards the inevitable gravitational pull of his hard chest and abs is one thing; 300 times by 300 different male protagonists is another.

I think I’m suffering from alphaux male overexposure. (Get it? alpha and faux because – oh, who cares. Just let me start drinking early)

Katie: Also can just ONE of Kristen Ashley’s heroes use the words “please come” before the monosyllabic “here” that they’re always grunting at the women in their lives? Or even a full sentence? I guess that’s too much to ask.

Patty: I am annoyed – at myself mostly, because the story is kinda fun – if anyone IRL described their significant other behaving the way this Lee (Liam) dude does, I would be hosting all kinds of interventions. And how is this the same Kristen Ashley that wrote the vomitous Creed?!

Katie: I think the thing that sets this one apart from some of her other works are the interesting (and sometimes even amusing) supporting characters, even if they are a bit stereotypical. I mean, who wouldn’t want a cross-dressing neighbor with a fabulous closet that they’re willing to share?

Or a crazy vet that hasn’t left his street in years because he’s always on guard duty.

Patty: True. It reads like a wacky romantic comedy. The kind where your stoner employee almost gets you killed in a diamond heist and the guy you’ve been in love with your whole life but who thinks of you as a little sister decides HE MUST HAVE YOU NOW OMG but not before he saves you with the power of his abs. Also, everything everyone wears is described in meticulous detail so now I know what to wear should I ever get kidnapped. (Hint: not a denim micro-mini skirt)

Katie: Also, DIAMONDS? Really? Yeah, your average barista really has access to mass quantities of uncut rocks. The plot lines in this thing are too convoluted to explain. (Even I understood everything that is going on…) It actually reminds me a lot of a Stephanie Plum novel, or at least what a fanfic version would read like.

Patty: It’s like Escher’s Relativity but drawn in crayon with boobs scribbled in the margins. Boobs and abs.

Katie: …but DAT ASS. I know it’s completely unrelated, but it just feels right to include this as we draw to a close: