The Amazon link will take you to the book that I read, but i feel I should mention, if you do want to give this book a go, you might want to get the revised edition. The first edition was written in the early aughts, right before social media explosion, and I assume that might change a bit of Simmons’ theories. (I can’t completely vouch for the revised edition, I haven’t read it, but this edition was quite good, so I imagine the revised one will also be good.)
I had a hard time getting on board the Anti-Bullying buzzword train that left the station a few years ago. Yes, I have been the victim of bullying. But, if I want to be completely honest, I’ve also been the bully. Simmons would call what I did “alternative aggressions” because it doesn’t look or smell like traditionally bullying, but I feel this just creates another meaningless division between what girls do vs. what boys do. In my circle of friends, there was one girl I could not stand. Now, I didn’t shove her into a locker or say nasty things to her face, but I did talk about her behind her back, purposely exclude her from things and participate in lots of double meaning/reading between the lines conversations. Since my goal was to make her feel bad about herself, I’m pretty confident I can swallow my pride and call what I did bullying.
Simmons worked with tween and teen girls in several schools to document the titular hidden culture of aggression in girls. I think Tina Fey probably did more to bring this issue to light, but since this book was written a few years before we all learned that on Wednesday, we wear pink, I’ll give it a pass. For some, I doubt what Simmons uncovered is going to be a shock. If you were a teenage girl, none of this is going to be revolutionary.
All in all, I think it’s still a good read, especially for anyone raising girls. It’s easy to be on the outside looking in and not register how much pain a pointed look between two girls can be for the third girl. Teenage girl language is mostly an unspoken affair and it’s hard to describe to a parent or teacher that “they looked at me and started whispering” is a real issue.
In less than five minutes I was out the door again with my backpack in place and heading down to the lobby
to hand in the keycard. I’m being courted by Fox television to do my own talk
show like an Oprah Winfrey or Dr. Siobhan Dowd weaves the story of sacrifice of a young Irish man in 1981 and a young woman who lived during the Iron Age.
I think most kids are both bullied and the bullier. I know I was. Probably not the worst, but I clearly remember moments when I thought to myself “you are being a bitch.” So I have avoided reading this book for years. I should probably read it.