I need to screen my YA better. I think I’ve been doing better over the last couple of years, but this series slipped in. It’s not bad YA, far from it. But the author’s style is just not for me. Thankfully, this last book was better than the second one. Much more tightly focused and satisfying; it’s just, I constantly felt the way she was writing got in the way of my ability to enjoy her story.
About 60% of the way through I started keeping track of how many times she used this specific type of sentence construction that I’m sure has a name, and which 99% of the time I find to be ineffective and melodramatic. Here are just a few examples:
“Roshar sent most of the supply wagons there. All of their cannons, too: a risk.”
“Once, when Arin let his horse fall back to ride with the Herrani, kestrel caught Roshar’s sliding gaze. Pensive. Murky.”
“His weight sagged against her. He was gasping in her ear, the sound sticky and wet, blood gushing onto her as she tried to keep her seat, tried to push the armored officer away. But his horse balked. The Valorian gripped her, his brown eyes staring, vengeful, fading.”
“She could see Arin’s face, the crease between his brows, the inward qualify of his expression. And then something shifting: a flare, a recognition.”
“This felt familiar. Unreal. He had the sense that this had happened before, or would happen, that this was either an echo or its source. If he opened his eyes, the world would double. His skull throbbed. Stones weighted his eyes. He was covered with earth. Thick and loamy and loose. A comfort. It eased the nauseating ache.”
“The sight of him lingered with her. Her love for him closed within her like a fist. Nervous, bruised. She despised it. Wasn’t it the love of a beaten animal, slinking back to its master? Yet here was the truth: she missed her father.”
Doing this once is bad enough (I find it extremely self-indulgent, like the author feels very important and Writerly while doing it), but it happened EVERY OTHER PAGE. Also, maybe just a couple of times it’s okay to just use ONE adjective, not two or three.
Let’s rewrite those as a little experiment:
“Roshar sent most of the supply wagons there. All of their cannons, too. Doing so was a risk.”
“Once, when Arin let his horse fall back to ride with the Herrani, kestrel caught Roshar’s sliding gaze. His face was pensive, almost murky.”
“His weight sagged against her. He was gasping in her ear, the sound sticky and wet, blood gushing onto her as she tried to keep her seat, tried to push the armored officer away. But his horse balked. The Valorian gripped her, his brown eyes staring, vengeful and fading.”
“She could see Arin’s face, the crease between his brows, the inward qualify of his expression. And then something shifting: a flare of recognition.”
“This felt familiar. Unreal. He had the sense that this had happened before, or would happen, that this was either an echo or its source. If he opened his eyes, the world would double. His skull throbbed. Stones weighted his eyes. He was covered with earth. Thick and loamy and loose. It was a comfort. It eased the nauseating ache.”
This last one kills me, because the meaning of the words is great, but it’s so undercut by all the I AM A WRITER.
“The sight of him lingered with her. Her love for him closed within her like a fist. She despised it. Wasn’t it the love of a beaten animal, slinking back to its master? Yet here was the truth: she missed her father.”
Look at that, I just deleted those two unnecessary words and what do you know, they are not missed. And the sentence is so much better! And it makes me feel things! And I’m not rolling my eyes!
If you really like that bruised imagery, you could just change it to “closed within her like a bruised fist” and you get the best of both worlds.
Anyways this review is the worst review of all time and is not useful and is just me complaining so I apologize.
Many people have loved this series, and this IS a good series ender. Despite the negativity of the above words, I liked it better than the second one, and maybe even the first one (which I would give three stars to now, even though I gave it four at the time). I particularly loved what she did with the theme of war and forgiveness (though I’m pretty meh on the main characters). And I love Roshar, and his tiger. I kind of wish this book had been about Roshar instead of Kestrel.
This is a terrible review and I apologize.
The End.
I loved this review.
Thank you for humoring me. I still feel bad about it, though.