Is this a review? I don’t even know anymore. But I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t really have anything new to say about these books. Its sort of like Janet Evanovich has a 200 page template and just fills in the blanks. Like a gigantic, best-selling Mad Lib.
I really don’t know why I still read these. I don’t like them that much anymore. But maybe I do? I don’t know!
I’m annoyed that Stephanie SPOILER slept with Ranger because she had some sort of epiphany about Morelli not really wanting to settle down. I’m all set with these three. Just choose or don’t.
Anyway.
Here’s the template I imagine in my head. I’m pretty sure these are most of the things that happen OVER AND OVER AND OVER in these books. Did I miss any?
√ Stephanie’s mother is secretly drinking.
√ Stephanie’s father doesn’t say much and eats a lot.
X Stephanie’s sister or her family is mentioned.
X Joe’s grandmother gives Stephanie the evil eye.
√ Lula talks about being a former ho.
√ People eat donuts.
√ People eat fried chicken. Bonus if they eat it at breakfast.
√ People eat pizza.
√ People eat meatball subs.
√ Grandma goes to a wake.
X Stephanie goes to a wake.
√ One of the crazy characters from Stephanie’s past shows up.
X Stephanie’s ex-husband is mentioned.
√ Ranger says “babe”.
X Bob eats something that isn’t food.
√ Vinnie’s sexual deviancy is mentioned.
√ Stephanie has to get a new car.
√ A car explodes.
√ Stephanie sleeps with Joe.
√ Stephanie sleeps with Ranger.
√ Rex makes an appearance.
√ Lula shoots her gun.
X Stephanie has to borrow Uncle Sandor’s old car.
√ Stephanie goes home from her parents’ house with a bag of leftovers.
√ Stephanie’s mom makes a pot roast.
√ Someone random comes to dinner at the Plum’s house.
√ Bulgari green shower gel is mentioned.
X Anyone exercises.
X Connie has any plot outside of the office.
X Grandma takes out her gun.
X Joyce Barnhart is mentioned.
√ Ranger mentions anything about his private life.
√ Eddie Gazzara is first to report to a crime scene and laughs at whatever nonsense Stephanie has gotten herself into.
√ Stephanie almost dies but is rescued at the last minute.
√ Joe calls Stephanie cupcake.
√ Stephanie still can’t decide between Ranger and Joe.
And yes, I’ll read book 24 when it comes out. And no, I don’t know why.
Your check-list seems accurate. I’m never reading one of these books, ever again.
OMG, you nailed it.
I feel like I made a similar checklist last year…and yes, I’ll keep reading them too, for whatever reason!
Nailed it. Why I quit reading them.
Yep.
And I’ll read the next one, too, dammit.
I will say I kind of miss Stephanie’s sister and poor old Albert Klowghn, or however you spell his name. They haven’t been around in a long time.
I’m conflicted over the Ranger/Morelli thing. On the one hand, Ranger’s been my book boyfriend since forever. On the other hand, Stephanie needs to get it together. On the other hand, JOE needs to get it together.
MAKE A DECISION PEOPLE.
Also? I think that one day Mrs. Plum is going to officially lose her cool, take Grandma’s gun, and go to town.
And I don’t think I would blame her.
I wouldn’t blame Mrs Plum one bit if it came to that. And I think Mr Plum will be the first target she goes for. Just sitting there, eating ham and watching tv, and complaining when dessert is store bought.