Ok.
So.
I know this book has been talked about a lot lately, and that the Netflix show is getting a lot of attention — both positive and negative. The middle school sent a note home to all parents warning us about the intensity of the show, and that if our kids wanted to watch it that we should watch with them and then have a dialogue about what we saw. Fine. I know bunnybean’s friends have been watching, so I figured I’d see what all the fuss was about (even though she has zero interest, as she’s happily making her way through Buffy, with Angel on deck).
And here’s the thing.
I get what the author is trying to do here, but I think that this book is more or less a failure.
For those who may be unfamiliar with the story:
Hannah, a pretty girl at a new high school, is dead. She killed herself a few weeks ago. And one day, Clay, the super nice guy that had a massive crush on Hannah, finds a shoebox full of audio tapes on his front porch. The tapes are from an unknown mailer, but the voice on the tapes is Hannah. She wants 13 people to hear the reasons why their actions (or inactions) caused her to commit suicide.
And already I was kind of mad.
I didn’t like the way that the author blamed these 13 other characters (well, really 12) for Hannah’s decision to end her life. And that these reasons were somehow valid for the choice of suicide.
As the parent of a middle schooler, I don’t accept this. I don’t accept that there are any valid reasons for suicide.
Yes, I get that there are unspeakable traumas that happen to some kids. Abuse, bullying, rape — all unacceptable horrors that nobody should have to endure. But they are not an excuse for suicide, in my opinion.
And yes, I was angry at many of the characters for their actions. The peeping Tom, the poetry thief, the drunk driver, and (especially) the rapist. They were all awful, and their actions and words should not be glossed over.
But what was the End game here for Hannah? Revenge? To simply make these other kids as miserable as she was for the rest of their lives? Because I think she accomplished that. But what about legal recourse? What’s going to happen to the rapist or the girl who was raped? What about the English teacher that knew that something had happened but didn’t press for details?
I wish we had gotten to know more about Hannah’s parents and family life, including why she left her old school. If there had been a shocking incident at her old school, wouldn’t they have had her talking to a professional at some point? I’m not saying that she would have been in full-time therapy, but if things were bad enough to move, wouldn’t that be a reason to keep an eye on your kid?
Look, I’m not a mental health professional, or a guidance counselor, or a therapist. I’m just a mom that read a book and didn’t like what it had to say. I do not in any way deny that these problems exist and that sadly, kids often see suicide as a “way out”. I just wish that this book had taken another route and instead of practically glamorizing Hannah’s decision, it had provided another point of view.
I might still try and watch the show, especially if bunny bean decides she might want to. And because Steven Weber and Keiko Agena are in it. But I’m not rushing to binge it anytime soon.
The show is worse in all the areas you mention. And hearing her voiceovers ups the glamorization, because it makes it feel like she’s still alive, experiencing that revenge. I also hated how neither the book nor show talked about depression. Suicide is not something that is pushed on you by other people, it’s a result of a mental illness that lies to your brain.
I’m glad to hear your opinion of the show. Now I won’t feel bad about skipping it and moving on to other, better shows that might ignite a discussion. I’m thinking Veronica Mars might be a good fit for next.
It’s just such a waste! It’s absolutely blowing up right now with young people, and with a little more care and responsibility, it could have had the same emotional impact but with added benefits educating people about mental health and their options in the event of severe depression or suicidal thoughts.
So I read this book when it first came out and thought it was good, important even, but I read it through the eyes of a parent of a seven year old. My kid is about Bunnybean’s age, I think, and I wonder how it would read to me now, now that my kid is just a year or so younger than Hannah and Clay.
We started watching the show – at her behest – and only got through two episodes before she lost interest, and quite honestly, while I was disappointed to lose what I thought would be good mama/daughter bonding time, I was also secretly relieved, because I felt like we were getting in to a subject that I was in no way capable of navigating.
I’m finding it hard to put my thoughts in to words about this, but I think you summed it up in your title pretty well. This is an important conversation to have, Asher missed the mark, but I’m not sure how to hit the bullseye either.
I don’t know. I want to say things like – the central conceit of the book is that Hannah is listing reasons why she committed suicide, but we all know that the reason someone commits suicide is because their brain is lying to them and telling them that this is the best choice. But that’s a cogent, rational thought that perhaps someone in Hannah’s position isn’t able to have. Perhaps in Hannah’s mind these thirteen reasons really ARE why she did it. It may not be real, but it’s real TO HER. Does that make sense? And so if that’s what Asher was going for, then okay, but then I think he really missed the mark by not following up with that and addressing it from that angle.
I don’t know. I’m rambling at this point and really trying hard not to say anything that could be misinterpreted.
All I know is that being the parent of a middle schooler is the scariest thing I’ve ever done.
^^This. You’ve nailed what I wanted to say.
I kept waiting for the part of the book where someone — anyone…a counselor…a worried classmate…another parent…the dude at the diner — would wonder if she had been suffering from depression and what could have been done about it.
Seriously, the dude at the diner was savvy enough to notice that clay was suffering while listening to the tapes, but he did nothing when a girl was practically molested in a booth? I don’t get that at all.
I sat in hope that the end of the story would be like an old after-school special, where someone with authority would come out and give a speech about they whys and hows with suicide. That’s a book that I would discuss with my kid.
Also, yes, middle school is horrifying. The social media crap is making me crazy. I hate to be all “get off my lawn” about it, but it’s so much worse than it used to be, and it used to be bad.
So I’ve been thinking about this a lot today. I can’t remember the book well enough to remember if this happened, but… was there a scene where an adult talked to Clay, or maybe one of the other kids, and did a speech? It doesn’t have to be like, an afterword, or at the end of the Very Special Episode of Blossom where they gave the number of the National Suicide Hotline. It just needed a couple of scenes where an adult helped a kid (Clay would be the best bet, I’m thinking) parse out what is really going on here. Explain that although Hannah SAID that these were the reasons why she did this, maybe there were actually other reasons, reasons that nobody saw, and here are some of the signs to look for next time. I think that’s what the book is missing. It’s like we got all the way up to the end zone and then just…walked away.
And to your comment about the social media? Right there with you.
No. Seriously, the only adults in the story were:
*Clays mom, who seems like she was pretty good and actually worried about her son acting weird.
*Tony’s dad, who just wants to fix cars.
*the English teacher/guidance counselor who tried to get Hannah to talk, but didn’t try hard enough.
*the random dude at the diner who didn’t want clay to pay for his milkshake because something was so clearly upsetting him.
That’s it. None of these “authority” figures said a word about depression or mental illness or even tried to understand what happened. They were more worried about Clay than Hannah.
The more time that goes by since finishing this book, the angrier I get.
I just read this (after watching the show) and agree that it really glamourizes the idea of suicide. I’ve heard a lot of professionals are asking parents not to let their children watch the show because of how suicide is portrayed. While I’d never say this abut a real person, Hannah comes across as a bit oberdramatic and even attention seeking. That’s not to say someone with crippling depression wouldnt come to this conclusion after the events in the novel but it just felt too unrealistic
I read your review and was glad to see that I’m not alone in feeling this way. I hate to be so negative about such an important topic, but I’m still pissed off about how this book delivered its message, and what that message was.
I saw today that several school districts in Canada are banning all discussion of the show. While that could drive some kids to watch it (forbidden fruit and all), I don’t think it’s a bad idea to ban discussion of it until it can first be discussed with the appropriate “helping professionals” (this is what the Canadian press release said).