An anecdote:
When my daughter was born, we were living in a fairly affluent community in an area known for affluent communities. While my husband and I are a hair’s breadth away from being Favored Fifth, our neighbors were almost certainly over the line. In a village of single family homes, we lived in one of the few multi-unit buildings. We worried over whether our daughter would feel the difference between what her classmates would have and what we would have.
Against that backdrop, I found a delightful article somewhere on the internet which suggested a way to handle, of all things, the Tooth Fairy. In lieu of whatever one’s local going rate might be, the article suggested offering foreign currency. A seven year old will readily discern the difference between her $1 per tooth and the $10 her classmate gets. But few, if any, of them grasp exchange rates.
Thus was born our family’s Tooth Fairy, who often forgets which continent she’s on and provides us with an excuse for a quick geography lesson on each visit.
I think Ron Lieber probably wrote that article because the idea appears in the book.
The Opposite of Spoiled is not quite the parenting book I thought it might be when I borrowed it from the library. It’s a personal finance book, which makes sense, given that Lieber writes a personal finance column for the New York Times. It is also a quick, easy, and compulsive read if the topic floats your boat.
Lieber’s thesis is that children are spoiled when their dealings with money are divorced from context and humanity. Families do their children a disservice when they don’t let/make their children work, when they tie allowance to chores (this was a conversation in our house), and when they are shielded from the realities of socioeconomic disparity.
Lieber encourages parents to be more transparent in how and why they spend their money. If you can afford to give your children the VIP experience at Disney, talk to them about why you’ve chosen to spend your money to skip the long lines or get additional access rather than letting them make their own assumptions. If your child asks about the homeless person you pass in the course of running errands, talk about why you do or don’t give money in aid. Without context, children form their own notions of what money can and should buy. If you don’t want spoiled kids, you have to take a firmer hand in shaping those notions.
The Opposite of Spoiled traffics in making common sense explicit. You’re not going to find any ideas that will completely upend your worldview. But it made me think a little harder about how, when, and why we talk to our daughter about money. Hopefully for the better.
This makes me feel better because sometimes I worry that we tell our kids TOO much about money. They’re 8 and 10 and I’m … candid. I talk about why the school has bikes and does a “how to ride a bike” thing in gym (because not everybody’s parents can afford one so some kids don’t get to practice at home). Or how our house isn’t fancy because I work part time and if they want the fancy house like so and so has, that’s cool but I need to work full time and that leads to XYZ changes for them. This summer we are “staycationing” in Vermont because we spent all our money visiting grandma in France last year. Nobody I know talks to their kids like this and I question if I’m being too frank. Based on your review, this guy says no, this is the right approach. I don’t know if it is or it isn’t, just that I DO it.
I think Lieber would give it the thumbs up. He spends more time arguing that kids need hands on experience with money (earning it, spending it, and giving it away), but he definitely advocates for talking to your kids (in an age-appropriate way) about financial decision-making.
Important subject – and a great review. Did you see I emailed you about it?
Kindle version currently on sale for $2!