Needs more kidnappings. Or plot in general.

I have no idea where this book even came from. I went out into my garage to get something, and it was sitting on a pile of books, and I thought, hey, why not?  I suppose I bought it at some point.  I hope it was at a garage/used book sale, because it certainly is not worth the price on the back!  (Who am I kidding, I probably had a coupon.  RIP, Borders.)

 

This started out as promising. Our main character, Lucia, is the illegitimate daughter of a king of a small country. She tends to get into trouble, so he brings her to his palace so someone can keep an eye on her. Lucia is clever and tends to find her way past the guards, and we first meet her escaping her leash to go to the Carnival going on in the streets. We meet Elena, her half-sister (the good one, and also the legitimate one) who begs to go with her. They escape over the walls and get into… not much trouble. Seriously, they’re just walking around and enjoying the Carnival. Lucia is 22, she’s a big girl. There’s some flirting from afar, and that’s about it. Their admirers follow them and eventually come within speaking distance. As they all unmask, the girls realize they’ve been caught by… palace guards. Who take them back to the palace. Not even a kidnapping! That was a perfect setup for a kidnapping! This innocent jaunt outside the palace gates apparently caused a scandal. Lucia gets banished to cousins somewhere, but she escapes to her mother in London. Her mother who is apparently the most notorious courtesan in England. Gasp!

 

Enter Sir Ian, who is an English ambassador who is now set with the task of finding an appropriate husband for Lucia. Said husband needs to have requirements: he must be a gentleman (preferably one of the peerage), have money and land of his own, be a Catholic, and have a strong enough character to handle Lucia. Things that are not in Lucia’s favor: her mother, her illegitimacy, her previous innocent romance with a blacksmith, and her strong will. Things in Lucia’s favor: her ties to royalty, her money, and her looks. It takes all of Sir Ian’s control and Britishness to stop himself from jumping her, apparently. She’s that hot.

 

As is predictable, the man that Lucia falls for is the one she can’t have: Sir Ian. Most of the book consists of Sir Ian throwing proper, acceptable men at her, and Lucia finding them boring. None of the men are wicked, or rakes, or try to take advantage. Nothing too shocking happens, really.  Lucia has her sights on Sir Ian, so there is something wrong with everyone else. Sir Ian is not an acceptable match for Lucia’s father, so all seems hopeless. But this is a romance novel, so of course it isn’t!  We have 272 pages of plodding “who will she choose?” when we all know what will happen.  The last 80 pages move a bit quickly (and graphically, but not as bad as this.)

 

This was kind of like a log flume ride. We start by clicking up the hill, and it’s exciting. Then we go through a lazy river without too much drama. We’re moseying along, and then suddenly there’s the big drop and we’re a bit shocked. And then this ride has a bonus drop that we weren’t expecting, and we’re left confused. Where did that come from? I thought the ride was over? And you get off the ride, or try to without leaving anything in the boat, and walk away, and move on to a much more exciting ride. One that doesn’t leave dirty water in your shoes, and confused at how you stayed completely dry on your right side from your waist down.