Ozzy the Ostrich - Ozzy the Ostrich by Jose Carlos Andres
As close as I get to DNF and maybe first 1 star review - Hothouse: The Art of Survival and the Survival of Art at America's Most Celebrated Publishing House by Boris Kachka
If you figure out the secret before the reveal, is it still a secret? - The Secret Mother by Shalini Boland
Hard, HARD pass - The Unleasing by Shelly Laurenston
I wanted to like it … - Akata Witch by Nnedi Okorafor
Remove head from sphincter, then write. - Forest Dark by Nicole Krauss
Callum Hunt and the Diminishing Returns - The Copper Gauntlet, The Bronze Key, The Silver Mask by Holly Black and Casandra Clare
Beam me up, Scotty; there’s no intelligent life here - Warp by Lev Grossman
In Which I Give Up on Penny Reid - Kissing Tolstoy by Penny Reid
No fever here, just a low grade fizzle - Darkfever by Karen Marie Moning
A wheel-spinning waste of time - The Widow by Fiona Barton
I think I have been bamboozled by this series - The Unyielding (Call of Crows #3) by Shelly Laurenston
This was a book but it wasn’t a story. - Crossroads of Twilight (Wheel of Time, #10) by Robert Jordan
Rather bored, more like. - Rotherweird by Andrew Caldecott
50 Shades of Grey is to Twilight as Kill the Boyband is to One Direction FanFic - Kill the Boy Band by Goldy Moldavsky
Starring a super special heroine who sucks - Tithe by Holly Black
I’m pretty sure this novel was written by an AI - In Another Country, and Besides by Maxwell Jacobs
Hard pass - The Queen of the Night by Alexander Chee
Just Let Annie Have Him - Misery by Stephen King
this shirty forking book, I swear, it made me so mad - Caraval (Caraval #1) by Stephanie Garber
This was just bad - Private Vegas by James Patterson
I’m pretty sure I hate this book - Don't You Cry by Mary Kubica
Mind numbingly tedious - Lorna Doone: A Romance of Exmoor by R.D. Blackmore
We need to talk about Haruki - 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami
A strange re-telling of Snow White - Poison by Sarah Pinborough
I would like to drown everyone in this book in a vat of eggnog. (Featuring bonus gifs to make me feel better.) - Pride and Prejudice and Mistletow by Melissa De La Cruz
This blonde definitely did not prefer this book. - Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos
Mama’s real upset now. - milk and honey by rupi kaur
I really wish they had just *stayed* in Tuscany for the whole month… - That Month in Tuscany by Inglath Cooper
THIS BOOK IS STUPID - Grey by E.L. James
Talk about smashing in the skull of the hand that feeds you. - The Rushing of the Brook by Kansas Bradbury
The things I do for my friends… - Darker by E. L. James
Garbage people behave like garbage - The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas
The spinster, the rake and the chicken marsala - Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie
Needs more sandworms - Under Pressure by Frank Herbert
No. - Angel Catbird. by Margaret Atwood, Johnnie Christmas, Tamra Bonvillain
The movie was more informative - My Brief History by Stephen Hawking
Go AWAY, Daniel. - Not that kind of girl by Lena Dunham
It literally pains me to have to write this review. I love you, Sarah Dessen. But no. - Once and for All by Sarah Dessen
At first intriguing, then merely infuriating - Follow You Home by Mark Edwards
The Original and Still Worst!! - A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs
Matchmaker meets her match - When the Marquess Met His Match by Laura Lee Guhrke
They Can’t All Be Howl, I Guess - Mind Breaths: Poems 1972-1977 by Allen Ginsberg
Please read this review if you are a medical professional. - Everything I Learned In Medical School, Miracles & Mayhem in the ER by Sujay Kansagra, Brent Russell
Charlotte Temple - Charlotte Temple by Susanna Rowson
“I am as blank as a piece of white paper in a world with no pencils.” - Still Life with Tornado by A.S. King
“Fifteen seconds is all it takes” - It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover
Two Failed Romance Novels - A Promise of Fire, Bitter Spirits by Amanda Bouchet, Jenn Bennett
I’m still so mad at this book. - Dead Certain by Adam Mitzner
I’m not joining the fan club - Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance