“BUT ENOUGH SPIRITUALITY. BACK TO TITS AND BAD DECISIONS.”

This book is ridiculous, but very very funny. If you have a twisted sense of humor and no issue with constant all-caps swearing, you ought to check it out.

Apparently Cory O’Brien has a blog where he’s been doing this for years, but I’ve never read it so I started fresh with the book. It’s basically him re-telling myths, from Greek to Hindu to Native American to whatever else he can think of, with his own spin and like, a LOT of cursing. It’s all written like a tumblr — lots of random line breaks and happy shouting. You’ll either love the style or hate it. I spend a lot of time on the internet, so I’m pretty used to it, but I did set the book down a couple times to catch my breath.

Each little re-telling ends with a moral, which tended to be the best parts. For instance…

“So the moral of the story is that the primary ingredient for a successful nation is guns.”

“So, basically, what it all comes down to is that we are made of tears from the disembodied eyeball of a guy who fucks his own shadow and surrounds himself with spit and puke.
I’m gonna go cry now.
I hope it doesn’t turn it into babies.”

“So the moral of the story
is that God hates vegetarians.”

“So the moral of the story is that we don’t need to worry about global warming as long as we have guns.
The end.”

I also really enjoyed his descriptions of various gods…

“Dionysus: the god of drinking so hard you wake up with TWO hangovers and then they FIGHT.”

“Narcissus is gorgeous. Like, imagine if someone could look exactly like bacon tastes and you have a pretty good picture of Narcissus (unless you’re a vegetarian).”

“So Loki
(the god of being a needless prick all the time)”

But my favorite line just might be…

“Hey, is there a female version of wingman? Wingwoman sounds awkward. I’m coining a new phrase: Titcaptain. Tell your friends.”

Tell your friends!